Just the other day I was speaking with one of my friends about how a man should live with a woman, and how he can sprout love and loyalty from his spouse.
I can well say, they were sweet chocolate-mint advice. And that his wife is one lucky human. But those kind and clever qualities got me thinking; why do women unknowingly fall for “bad boys” (not the Will Smith movie), because at the end of the day, it’s all about living with women and yet, they are completely opposite from this working approach?
Good question, I know. Any ideas? Apart from women are weird? Yeah…
I too almost concluded with this but stumbled upon something profound and amazing. And yet, thoroughly logical and simple. Women are actually human beings. They just live in Mars. And if you’re interested in the challenging art of understanding women, then you’re going to love this.
Bad boys are commonly portrayed as guys with black leather jackets and shades, V-neck t-shirts or vests and an Undertaker-class motorbike riding along the highway road in the sunset. At least in the movies. The hair and the height is up to you.
But what’s interesting is, it’s not how they dress that allures the ladies, it’s what they bring to the table. And there’s something crucial you have to see here.
A similar character of all bad boys is that they don’t care for authority or rules, do whatever they want to do, they are authentic, they have there own way of doing things; if you’re good with, good. If not, it doesn’t bother him. And finally, they do not ask for permission from anyone. They just do.
Indeed there are more qualities. But I want you and I to focus on these because they carry what I want to blow your mind with today.
In any typical relationship between a girl and a bad boy, most of the things are one-sided. If the guy doesn’t feel like doing something, he doesn’t. He also doesn’t seek approval from the girl with anything, he just does.
Isitoshe, the girl has to fit her schedule around his and shape her life according to his most of the time. If she doesn’t, he moves on and gets one that does, just like that. And perhaps the most weird thing of all, she’s perfectly ok changing her whole life for him, even when it hurts.
Now any female who hears this will be like, “Gai I can’t be that dumb, what’s wrong with that girl? I am my own Muse ?”
First of all, Calm. Down. You’ll upload a reaction video soon after. Secondly, because it’s Biology. It’s Biology.
See, we’re the only animals who have a choice of whether to act on our innate natures or not. The rest follow their instincts regardless of whether it’s painful or fun. Just ask any eagle regarding their shedding.
Now women were designed innately to conceive and give birth to future generations. And every aspect of their being, from physical to emotional, is made in such a way that they can Nurture, and provide the most suitable surroundings for their children.
This is why empathy comes naturally to women. I mean, listen to how you talk to each other.
In seminars you’ll hear people pushing women so that the world can become better. It’s not that we need more female leaders today. No. It’s just that we need more leaders who are like females. Because empathy, a natural quality in most women, is part and parcel of leadership.
Anyways, in order to achieve this environment as a woman, you naturally want to get a partner who’ll provide a safe environment for you and your offspring, who’ll protect you physically and mentally, feed you and give your family a stable and secure setting.
So making thyself a suitable mate the best you can becomes a priority. Have you ever wondered why every time you take a selfie, the camera always has to be a tipsy bit over your head? Or why a tighter necklace or bracelet appears more attractive to others?
It’s because both the pic makes you appear smaller than you are and thus more submissive. And the necklace breeds the same effect; a quality all men desire in women.
Look at you selfies, the camera never lies. It’s a deep seated nature of our genders. it’s your biology. Men puff themselves up and wear heavier and more loose chains to appear big and more desirable.
And so the search for a man with bad boy qualities begins. A phenomenon referred to as, The Check List.
This is why all women have the infamous umandazi tests (my name for it ?). They will test anyone they deem suitable to make sure the guy isn’t a hoax.
Some choose being rude to you, some use jealousy and most play the hard to get game. Even if the guy is a ten out of ten in their list, just so that they can affirm their choice and to not appear cheap in the eyes of the society.
We good so far? Good. It gets better.
Now, back to our bad boys. Let’s dive in into their behaviours for a second. We know that they don’t care for rules or authority. And whenever challenged for this, they remain unreactive and cool about it. Translation: they are confident in the face of danger. Check.
When they want something, they go for it without seeking permission from anyone. Even if it’s you. And they assume leadership in any situation. Translation: Confident in their abilities, have passions. Double check..
And perhaps the most important in most checklists, is authenticity. This means that everything they do, they actually believe. And they don’t seek approval from anyone about who they are as a person. They just are. Translation: not insecure about themselves, are independent- minded, use their judgement. Check. Mate… #ijustcant
These reasons among many others are why even though bad boys can mistreat women, they still stick to them because they know he’s confident and stable. And more so, most men don’t have such qualities thus a plus for any woman who gets him.
This is what they call an Alfa male in social science. Men who don’t posses such qualities are the Beta males (the sweet best friends).
Another type of men who share some qualities with bad boys are Playboys. I believe no one needs any introductions here. But there something very interesting i found with an elite version of them.
Recently I’ve been talking with a friend, Ahmed (not his real name), who has basically nothing he can leave for his children after he goes, but has to plan his weekends two to three days earlier so that he can make time for all of his rich girlfriends.
And the boggling part, they all know about it (this is not a typing error).
Despise these girls or not, people like Ahmed have developed the capability of connecting with these innate needs of women.
And perhaps the most accurate account of this is this response from one of the girls, ” I don’t even understand what he voodoo-ed me with.”
All such elites need is time. When you give them a chance, you won’t know what hit you. I promise.
So at the end of the discussion with my friend, I noticed that he possesses some of the qualities an Alfa male is defined by. And he’s a pious guy as well.
What I’m saying is that, a man doesn’t need to be a bad boy to achieve such qualities. Most who try this end up becoming mandazis instead.
If you are interested in being the best version of yourself, then build your values, your principles, go for what you want, chase your dreams and live by your beliefs. Ya’ani do it for you first.
Because that’s the only way you can do it for others as well. And that is when others will begin gravitating around you.
A final lesson, Allah 3zza wajjal is the ultimate Alpha in our midst. I mean He does what He wants, doesn’t need anyone of us for His affairs, whether we follow Him or not doesn’t change anything for Him, all the mercies He does for us is just because of the love He has for His creation and the justice He put upon Himself to have, among an infinity of others.
If there’s anyone we can give ourselves to completely without any concern or caution, it’s Him subhanahu wataala. And the love you receive is beyond this universe and everything in it, literally.
Besides, He 3azza wajjal, never breaks hearts.
And with that, I declare your mind, officially Blown ?
Before I go, I realize that with this I basically hijacked your brain and taken it to space and back and blew it on top of that so, let me ease the confusion.
This piece was inspired by the phenomenal rates of divorce in our county. That’s why I begun with love and loyalty between the couple.
Also, being Muslim and a follower of Prophet Muhammad aleyhi salaam, majority of the brothers have fallen below the standards and the responsibilities Allah 3azza wajjal has put for them.
The main aim of this piece was to tackle divorce rates vs the irony of bad boys and, also show to akhys what qualities they can learn to reduce such rates and also make them the best version of themselves.
It just so happens that a good majority of these qualities co-relate to what Allah subhanahu wataala wishes for us males. Providing every single atom of needs for another human being and cute growing little ones isn’t a walk in the park.
And I feel majority of us men realize this too late in the marriage and then back out through divorce.
So there you go. Let the mixed emotions sink in. You and I both have a lot to think about.