What does it mean to be a man? We don’t realize our physical bodies only define 50% of who we really are. Similarly it takes more than just the physical body to be a man. It takes responsibility, honesty and faithfulness. Courage, confidence self-worth, dignity and pride. Same applies to what is needed to be a woman. We should agree stereotypes have some truth in them and it has always been the stereotype or a common feature of men in Mombasa especially in my community for them to want women but escape the responsibility that comes up with having a woman. This happens when men take a sacred ritual such as marriage and mistaken it for a self inclined pleasure.
Grown men dive and tackle their marriage with the same game plan and mind set of the relationships which they once had in high school and college. These are “grown men” whose society is depending on. It doesn’t work that way in marriages. Unfortunately dating has brainwashed them to think that indeed marriage is the same. Unfortunately it’s not. In Premarital relationships nothing is at stake then having your own pride or your little heart being trampled on, but in marriage everything is at stake including your country and God’s wrath
Children without a father-figure are most likely to become outlaws, renegades and hooligans. What I mean by a father-figure is not only having a father but a dominant energy of authority that would mold the child into the best version of itself but most importantly a father who is there, a father who cares, how God wants it to be like. A child might have a father but not a father-figure, these are two different concepts. A father is a physical element just like a chair or a mannequin but with a life, the one who impregnated the female who bore the child , nothing more nothing less. He doesn’t even have to exist in the children’s life for him to be a father, he just is. A father-figure is different. it is embracing the responsibility that comes with being a father; to be the grown up in the house and make sure everybody is carrying out their tasks respectively and appropriately starting with himself. He is order, but also a paradox; sharing and caring, a source of love as a cathartic effect. With this in mind men shouldn’t complain why the President can’t run a country when they fail to assume control over a family of five.
“My wife isn’t responsible.”
That’s because you selected your wife using the same dating rules as the ones you had when you were at the Campus, both of you did not know the definition of responsibility.
“My wife is a gold digger.”
You had eyes to see that and you created such a monster by using the financial provider approach; your credit card and flattery instead of using the wise man approach; divine purpose and wisdom to get that woman.
“My wife spends too much time on her beauty instead of being a wife.”
Isn’t that what you got married to her in the first place, for her beauty instead of her competence as a feminine energy in your household; being a comforter and a mother?
It is time to be wise and start winnowing our life partners apropos to a father-figure, a mother, a caterer and a mentor who would mold your reflection onto the child as a representative of your generation.
Corruption has appeared throughout the land and sea by [reason of] what the hands of humans have earned so He (God) may let them taste part of (the consequence of) what they have done that perhaps they will return (to rightousness)
It is in God’s words that your choices and actions creates the outcome and the reason behind all miseries. Selecting a wife by dating rules such as by her beauty and for showing off to your friends or self personal happiness does not work. You have to employ higher forces and be it for the sake of them. What is the use of getting married if you can’t stop looking, desiring and flirting at every other woman passing by in your way. This happens especially in the work place. We shouldn’t complain why our wives are the way they are if this is the case for she is a manifestation of your actions in the past:
The fornicator does not marry except a fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers.
see “Marital Karma”
With what is revealed, no amount of excuses and self justification can ever justify a divorce because it all comes down to the choices you made from the beginning. Feminism to a certain point is right. Countries where women are not respected and their worth as a feminine element to the society isn’t realized, need feminism. Feminism came to existence when men stopped being men. When they abandoned their responsibilities of the family and the society for the pursuit of leisure and sport and so it was up to the women to realize that the only way to survive is to thyself. To fight for their rights of acceptance among the position of men in the working fields and fend for themselves. Simply because men are abandoning them, men are divorcing their wives in Mombasa leaving them with children.
Allah’s Messenger (saws) said, “The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family.”
-Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas
Their should not be a reason for marriage if the purpose isn’t realized. For men who know this, mgtow is the best choice for them.
Such countries whose females have had such a realization would have no choice but to become feminists and once that happens it will only get worse from there. Men abandoning responsibility = women becoming feminists = women abandoning responsibilities = men becoming mgtows. This is a recipe for disaster in any society and civilization. Let’s slow down and realize your worth as a man is not getting a beautiful woman. Your worth as a man is first working towards building yourself to become that man and to achieve manhood isn’t easy, it takes hard work, discipline and dedication. Focus on changing your country for the better by building a family which will help you to achieve that. It’s not the other way around, it’s the only way around. It’s for your country not for thyself.
Anything done for the purpose of any other apart from a divine higher purpose, that act is bound to crumble by either being destroyed by you, your wife, your family or the society. They will beat you down to your fall. Marriage has very little to do with you. If it ever occurs that marriage has everything to do with you then you will be just like every other man who I am tired of learning the news of them leaving their wives and their children because, he was too weak to overcome his desires. The biggest crime a man can ever do is against his masculinity. Masculinity is a man’s identity. Your identity is you being the man who your family and country deserves. Your abandonment of them is betrayal and treason. A country falls when we give it the burden of taking care of our failures instead of us being able to care of them ourselves.
Marriage isn’t about you. It’s for God, it’s for the family, it’s for the community, it’s for your country. What’s the use of being God’s creation and having the platform of your entire foundation set in your country if your actions are not going to be for God and for Kenya? Marriage is bigger and way grand than you can ever imagine. If you find it too difficult to believe that two people’s wedding or their divorce can be that important to even affect an entire nation, take the example of Genghis Khan. If his parents never met and consummated marriage, he would have never existed to increase the geographical area of his nation from 1,000,000 sq mi to 10,000,000 sq mi (almost the size of Africa). Good or evil the man was, his achievement was undeniably great.
Marriage should be for the purpose of creating and producing creations who will make a change. This is where we go wrong; premarital relationships. What does premarital relationships teach us? We have been entangled by this kind of relationships that our entire definition of a marriage takes its traits from the same kind of relationship. Marriage which exemplify the traits of a premarital relationship is far from reality. Dating rules just don’t apply for none know the intentions and goals of each other when the stakes are low as opposed when the stakes are high between two individuals meeting for the sole purpose of marriage.