When you left me
The pain felt like burning wax on my shoulders
Found myself laughing on the outside
But crumbling on the inside
I was dazed at the depth of my pain
Was like walking barefoot
On the sharp shards of my broken heart
Resorted to physical self-hurt,
My only way to numb the pain.
When you left me
I came across pictures of you
Laughing, all smiles
Eyes flickering
With so much happiness
Like nothing just happened
My mind swirled with thoughts like
‘How could you even breathe in the wreckage of my heart?’
When you left me
I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders
Too heavy that I thought
That night was my last
When you left me
Life became loathsome
My knees were bent like the corner of a page
The grave
Only place I saw to lay that burden
Too tired of existence I was
That I wanted to put myself to eternal rest
When you left me
I stepped into the bathroom
Too many a times with a razor
Spilling blood and tears
I do not know
Which one I ran out of first
When you left me
Surrounded by the tornado of my grief
I cried oceans and rivers
That I thought I’d be dehydrated
Chose to spill ink instead
Only to poison my mind
With daily self-critism
When you left me
In tears I dwelled
In hope
I was lost
I got so low
I had to look up
To see rock bottom
When you left me
I got so sick
I was so certain my stomach
Would never know a butterfly again
For I needed you
Same way a full moon did the open sea
Ghosted by hope
I picked a pen and dropped a razor
Turned suicide notes to beautiful prose
When you left me
Cloudy, my path became
Shedding tears and spilling blood
But suddenly
There’s some light at the end of the tunnel
I spill ink and shed words.